Argumentative Essay — ‘Are International Talents Our Companions or Enemies?’ (a comprehensive, both-sides case)

Year: 2019 Part: B Question: Q2 Genre: argumentative essay (Learning English through Social Issues) Grade band: 5* · 5** overall Marks: ^17 + ^19 = 36 / 42 (closest-pair adjusted) · booklet pp. 8–11 + supp. Candidate: 2019-002

Question prompt — Q2 (Part B, Learning English through Social Issues elective)

An article in the Hong Kong Daily Press noted that, in today’s global economy, companies hire individuals whose skills and talent meet standards of excellence — today, the best are hired from around the world.

Write an essay for your English teacher. Explain some of the benefits and challenges international talent brings to Hong Kong society, and ways to ensure people from the local community are not neglected. Include a title.

About 400 words. Booklet pages 8–11, continuing onto the supplementary sheet. A comprehensive answer that hits every part of the prompt: three benefits (workforce quality, quantity, a sharper competitive edge), two challenges (job competition / inequality, reputation and over-reliance), and concrete ways to protect locals (education reform; a local hiring ratio) — then a title and a circular close. The same Q2 as 2019-004, here framed ‘companions or enemies?’.

Show original handwritten pages (5)

Booklet p.8 — Q2 X-box, title, rhetorical-question intro, benefit 1 (workforce quality) — Booklet p.8 — intro and benefit 1

Booklet p.9 — benefit 2 (overseas doctors) and benefit 3 (competitive edge, German AI) — Booklet p.9 — benefits 2 and 3

Booklet p.10 — challenges: job competition, unemployment, widening rich-poor gap — Booklet p.10 — the challenges

Booklet p.11 — reputation challenge and the start of solutions (education reform); to End of Paper — Booklet p.11 — reputation, and solutions begin

Supplementary sheet — a local hiring ratio and the conclusion — Supplementary sheet — the ratio and the conclusion

The writing, with corrections marked inline

Legend: green = the candidate’s own insertion | dotted underlineour fix = our small correction | every inline fix has a matching row in Grammar notes. This is a heavy self-editor — lots of carets fold extra phrases into the lines. The handwritten title sits above line 1. Line numbers show every 5th.

Booklet p.8 — the Q2 X-box, the title, the rhetorical-question intro, and benefit 1: talents raise workforce quality (lines 1–20)
Are international talents our companions or enemies?
1The topic of globalization has become the talk of town. In
2order not to be left out from the rest of the world, Hong
3Kong actively participates in the global economy by hiring
4international talents. Companies treasure their outstanding skills
5that meet the standard of excellence. What will happen when
6the flock of global talents enter Hong Kong’s market? Will
7they do more harm than good?
8First, I would like to probe into the benefits these
9international talents bring to Hong Kong. I hold the opinion that
10they can improve the quality and quantity of the workforce. These
11talents possess qualifications and specialize in different areas. When
12they are incorporated into local companies, they can bring
13state-of-the-art technological knowledge as well as business operation strategies
14into the workplace. For instance, if an executive officer of Google enters
15a local website designing company, he can introduce useful methods
16of attracting viewers online to inspire the local workers. Hong
17Kong clerks and officers can be inspired to think out of the
18box and widen their horizons by meeting international talents. Through
19communication between the talents and locals, Hong Kong citizens
20can imperceptibly learn from them. Their interests in the
Booklet p.9 — benefit 2 (quantity — overseas doctors) and benefit 3 (sharpening HK’s competitive edge; a German-AI example) (lines 21–41)
21field can be ignited to come up with more creative ideas, and their ability improve by leaps and bounds, thus
22improving the quality of the workforce.
23Despite quality, the international talent can contribute to the
24quantity of employees. Hiring overseas doctors is a case in point.
25Recently, the medical sector is in a chaosis in chaos because of insufficient
26supply of general practitioners and nurses. To increase the
27number of medical workers, hiring excellent overseas doctors
28can not only provide professional services right away, but also
29increase the number of on-shift doctors in public hospitalin public hospitals.
30Such measure can reduce the burden of the locals, which
31in turn improvein turn improves the work quality and job satisfaction as well.
32From a more holistic point of view, bringing in global
33talents can sharpen the competitive edge of Hong Kong.
34In America or the European Union, science is more well-
35developed than that in Hong Kong. In order to catch up
36with the inexorable advancement of technology, hiring these
37talents could be a shortcut to success. This is because they can
38bring in the most cutting-edge scientific discoveryscientific discoveries from the
39more developed countries. For example, artificial intelligence is
40maturing in Germany. If a German AI specialist is hired
41by local companyby a local company, he could facilitate the AI research of
Booklet p.10 — the turn to challenges: job competition for locals, unemployment and a widening rich–poor gap (lines 42–61)
42Hong Kong, thus speeding up the development in science sector
43in Hong Kong. Hong Kong’s economy is well-developed, but
44the STEM education and research is stillresearch are still lagging behind. Therefore,
45hiring international talents might be a gateway for Hong
46Kong to be more compatible with other international cities.
47While we can reap the benefit of hiring the global talent with excellent standards, we must
48not overlook the challenges such policy bringsuch a policy brings.
49The major demerit of hiring international talents is that
50it caused keen competitionit causes keen competition between workers. As overseas their experience and ability out-compete the locals
51specialist joinspecialists join the workforce, job opportunities reduce instantly.
52This leads to cutthroat competition for job vacancies. While
53the locals have little experience compared to these talents, they
54lose jobs to the non-locals and suffer from unemployment.
55Nowadays, the grassroots families are already relying on the
56Community Care Fund to live and the N-nothings are
57making ends meet. If the job opportunity that they rely on
58so much is taken away, their life will be more destitute
59and gap between the rich and the poor will be widened.
60This is the least situationthe last situation the public and the government would
61like to see from this policy.
Booklet p.11 — challenge 2 (reputation / over-reliance), then solutions begin: education reform; runs to the printed End of Paper (lines 62–83)
62Apart from intensifying the internal problem of Hong Kong, the
63global reputation of our society will also be tarnished. There will
64not be a need to hiringa need to hire international talents if city dwellers within
65the local community are just as outstanding. However, due to
66the spoon-feeding education system, very few talents are ‘produced’
67locally. While hiring global talents can solve such problemsolve such a problem, the
68act is at the same time showcasing the government’s incompetence
69to nurture professionals to the whole world. This causes harm
70to the intelligent and professional image of Hong Kong. Not
71only locals, but also other nations would lose confidence in the
72future development of Hong Kong, as employing global talents
73can hardly be an enduring solution for the lack of professionals.
74Hong Kong must endeavour to nurture locals to professionalsnurture locals into professionals to win back good reputation
75Even though international talents bring certain challenges to
76Hong Kong society, there are ways to help overcome them
77and make sure that the local community are not neglectedcommunity is not neglected.
78One of the solutions that gets to the culprits of the problem
79of shortage of talents is to carry out education reform. This
80does not have to be a drastic change. Start with encouraging
81local students to go to study toursgo on study tours, to develop
82entrepreneurship, or to design robots that help with our
83daily lives. If the government can utilize more resources
Supplementary sheet — the rest of the solutions (a hiring ratio for locals) and the conclusion, returning to the title (lines 84–105)
84from the fiscal reserve to help train students, they can be more
85capable of facing keen competition with international talent in the
86future. In this way, the government can ensure that the younger
87generation in the local community is not neglected.
88Nonetheless, the government can encourage businesses to
89guarantee a ratio of workers between locals and international
90talents. For instance, a business can secure at least 80% of the job
91vacancies for the local community, while the position left
92can be reserved for potential international talents joining the
93company. If the policy is implemented, the local community
94can have a higher chance of joining a company without
95their needs being neglected. The middle class and the
96grassroots can secure a steady income. The keen competition
97with the international talents will be the least to concern.
98By and large, hiring international talents may raise
99concerns and bring challenges within Hong Kong society, but it undeniably solves
100acute social ills such as shortage of workers and lack of long-term
101scientific development. If the government and businesses can strike
102a balance between bringing in international talents and
103safeguarding locals’ work opportunities, this plan will work
104wonders for Hong Kong society and bring in more
105precious opportunities.

Strengths to praise

Comprehensive — it answers every part of the prompt

Task fulfilment lines 8–46, 49–74, 78–97

Benefits (quality, quantity, competitive edge), challenges (job competition, reputation), and concrete ways to protect locals (education reform; a hiring ratio) — plus a title, exactly as the rubric asks. Few candidates address all three bullets so squarely.

Concrete, well-chosen examples

Concrete detail lines 24, 39–41, 56, 90

Overseas doctors easing the “insufficient supply of general practitioners”, a “German AI specialist” advancing local research, the “Community Care Fund”, and a concrete “80% of the job vacancies” ratio. Specifics like these turn assertions into evidence.

Ambitious, accurate vocabulary

Vocabulary in context lines 20, 32–36, 52

“imperceptibly”, “a more holistic point of view”, “the inexorable advancement of technology”, “cutthroat competition”. The register is consistently that of a strong essay, and the words are used correctly.

A rhetorical-question opening that sets up the debate

Persuasive technique lines 5–7

“What will happen when the flock of global talents enter Hong Kong’s market? Will they do more harm than good?” The paired questions frame the whole essay as a genuine inquiry and pull the reader in.

Named, practical solutions

Argumentation lines 78–83, 88–93

Rather than vague appeals, the essay proposes “education reform” (study tours, entrepreneurship, robotics) and a guaranteed hiring “ratio of workers between locals and international talents”. Offering workable measures is what makes the ‘protect locals’ bullet convincing.

A circular, title-aware conclusion

Structure & cohesion lines 98–105

“By and large… it undeniably solves acute social ills… this plan will work wonders.” The ending weighs both sides, lands a verdict, and echoes the ‘companions or enemies?’ framing — a controlled close to a long argument.

Grammar notes

Issue	Explanation
fix (line 25) `the medical sector is in a chaos` → `…is in chaos`	Countability. chaos is uncountable, so no a: in chaos.
fix (line 29) `on-shift doctors in public hospital` → `…in public hospitals`	Number. There is more than one hospital: plural hospitals.
fix (line 31) `which in turn improve` → `which in turn improves`	Subject–verb agreement. The subject (which = the measure) is singular: improves.
fix (line 38) `the most cutting-edge scientific discovery` → `…scientific discoveries`	Number. Bringing in many findings → plural discoveries (or the most cutting-edge science).
fix (line 41) `by local company` → `by a local company`	Article. A singular countable noun needs an article: by a local company.
fix (line 44) `the STEM education and research is still lagging` → `…are still lagging`	Subject–verb agreement. Two things (education and research) → plural are.
fix (line 48) `the challenges such policy bring` → `the challenges such a policy brings`	Article + agreement. Add a, and the singular policy takes brings.
fix (line 50) `it caused keen competition` → `it causes keen competition`	Tense. The essay argues in the present, so causes (matching is, can around it).
fix (line 51) `As overseas specialist join` → `As overseas specialists join`	Number. The plural verb join needs the plural subject specialists.
fix (line 60) `This is the least situation` → `This is the last situation`	Word choice. The meaning is ‘the situation they would least like to see’ — idiomatically the last thing… would like to see, not the least situation.
fix (line 64) `a need to hiring international talents` → `a need to hire international talents`	Verb form. After to (infinitive), use the base verb: a need to hire.
fix (line 67) `can solve such problem` → `can solve such a problem`	Article. A singular countable noun needs an article: such a problem.
fix (line 74) `nurture locals to professionals` → `nurture locals into professionals`	Preposition. You develop someone into a role: nurture locals into* professionals*.
fix (line 77) `the local community are not neglected` → `the local community is not neglected`	Agreement. community as a single body takes a singular verb: is not neglected (kept consistent with line 87, where the candidate uses is).
fix (line 81) `go to study tours` → `go on study tours`	Preposition. You go on a tour/trip: go on study tours.
notice (line 24) `a case in point`	Idiom. ‘A case in point’ (= a clear illustrating example) introduces the overseas-doctors example precisely.
notice (line 33) `competitive edge`	Collocation. ‘Sharpen the competitive edge’ is exactly the right business phrase for staying ahead of rival cities.
notice (line 52) `cutthroat competition`	Vocabulary. ‘Cutthroat’ (= ruthless, intense) vividly conveys how fierce the job competition becomes.

Style suggestions

How to read these: fluency smoother, more varied sentences | authenticity a truer, more natural voice | text-type sharper essay conventions

Let the carets settle into the sentence

fluency lines 20–22

“Their interests in the field can be ignited to come up with more creative ideas, and their ability improve by leaps and bounds, thus improving the quality of the workforce.”

“Their interest in the field is reignited, sparking more creative ideas and improving the quality of the workforce by leaps and bounds.”

The inserted clause is good material; folding it in smoothly (rather than stacking ‘and…thus…’) makes the sentence flow.

‘more well-developed’ → ‘more advanced’

authenticity lines 34–35

“science is more well-developed than that in Hong Kong”

“science is more advanced than in Hong Kong”

‘Well-developed’ doesn’t take ‘more’; more advanced (or just better developed) is idiomatic.

Tidy ‘the least situation’

authenticity lines 60–61

“This is the least situation the public and the government would like to see”

“This is the last thing the public and the government would want to see.”

‘The last thing (someone) wants to see’ is the natural idiom for what is least desirable.

‘compatible’ or ‘competitive’?

authenticity line 46

“Hong Kong to be more compatible with other international cities”

“Hong Kong to stay competitive with other international cities”

The argument is about keeping up, so competitive (not compatible, which means ‘able to coexist’) fits.

State the verdict the title invites

text-type lines 98–99

“By and large, hiring international talents may raise concerns and bring challenges…”

“By and large, then, international talents are companions, not enemies — provided locals are protected.”

The title poses a yes/no; answering it outright in the conclusion makes the position unmistakable.

Trim ‘the talk of town’

authenticity line 1

“The topic of globalization has become the talk of town.”

“Globalisation has become the talk of the town.”

The idiom takes ‘the’ (the talk of the town); ‘the topic of’ can go.

Strong moment worth teaching from

Actually answering the ‘protect locals’ bullet

Near-clean; only small tweaks (‘go on study tours’). The completeness is the lesson.

“One of the solutions… is to carry out education reform… encouraging local students to go on study tours, to develop entrepreneurship, or to design robots… the government can encourage businesses to guarantee a ratio of workers between locals and international talents… secure at least 80% of the job vacancies for the local community.” (lines 78–91)

The Q2 rubric explicitly asks for ‘ways to ensure people from the local community are not neglected’ — the part candidates most often skip or fudge. This essay gives two concrete, distinct measures (upskilling via education reform; a guaranteed hiring ratio) with specifics. Answering every bullet of a prompt, with evidence, is the surest route to the top band.

Professional rewrite — the ‘job competition’ paragraph

Model rewrite

A model of the first-challenge paragraph — where the dense argument strains the grammar — in the writer’s own voice.

Student (verbatim, edits folded in)

The major demerit of hiring international talents is that it caused keen competition between workers. As overseas their experience and ability out-compete the locals specialist join the workforce, job opportunities reduce instantly. This leads to cutthroat competition for job vacancies.

Professional version

The major drawback of hiring international talent is the fierce competition it creates among workers. As overseas specialists — whose experience and ability often out-compete the locals’ — join the workforce, job openings shrink almost overnight, leading to cutthroat competition for every vacancy.

What changed and why:

Tense / number: it caused → it creates; specialist join → specialists… join.
Stranded insert: the caret clause (‘their experience and ability out-compete the locals’) is folded in as a dash-aside.
Word choice: demerit → drawback; reduce instantly → shrink almost overnight.
The point — locals out-competed, openings shrinking — is kept.

Vocabulary to notice

Word & alternatives	Definition	Usage notes
globalisation internationalisation, global integration	(n.) the process by which the world’s economies and cultures become interconnected.	“The topic of globalization…” (US -z-). The framing concept of the essay; verb globalise, adj global.
holistic comprehensive, all-round, big-picture	(adj.) considering the whole rather than separate parts.	“From a more holistic point of view”. A sophisticated discourse marker for widening the lens; common in social-issues writing.
inexorable unstoppable, relentless, inevitable	(adj.) impossible to stop or prevent.	“the inexorable advancement of technology”. Formal and forceful; collocates with rise, advance, march, decline.
imperceptibly gradually, subtly, almost unnoticeably	(adv.) in a way too slight or gradual to be noticed.	“citizens can imperceptibly learn from them”. A precise adverb for slow, unconscious change; from perceive.
cutthroat ruthless, fierce, merciless	(adj.) extremely competitive, with no concern for others.	“cutthroat competition for job vacancies”. Vivid for ruthless rivalry; pairs with competition, market, industry.
destitute poverty-stricken, impoverished, penniless	(adj.) extremely poor; lacking the basic necessities.	“their life will be more destitute”. A strong, formal word for severe poverty; here it sharpens the inequality point.
competitive edge advantage, upper hand, lead	(n. phrase) an advantage that makes one more successful than rivals.	“sharpen the competitive edge of Hong Kong”. Business idiom; collocates with gain / sharpen / lose a competitive edge.