Yearbook Entry — Class 6C: a love of PE, and a united class that ‘walked the journey together’

Year: 2019 Part: A Question: Q1 Genre: yearbook entry (Academic Life + Student Life) Grade band: Level 5 Marks: ^15 + ^17 = 32 / 42 (closest-pair adjusted; Level 5) · booklet pp. 2–3 + supp. Candidate: 2019-003

Question prompt — Q1 (Part A, compulsory)

The Yearbook Committee is putting together a book for all graduating students. You are a student in Class 6C at Kowloon Secondary School. Complete the following yearbook entry (about 200 words, on pages 2–3).

1.1 Academic Life — Write about one subject that you enjoyed studying or found challenging.
1.2 Student Life — Write about what you will miss most about being a student in Class 6C.

A warm, full-length entry (using the supplementary sheet): 1.1 enjoys PE for the chance to try every sport (and a break from exam pressure); 1.2 is a heartfelt thank-you to a united Class 6C that “walked the journey together”.

Show original handwritten pages (3)

Booklet p.2 — 1.1 Academic Life: enjoying PE, the challenge of picking up new sports, and PE as a break from exam stress — Booklet p.2 — 1.1 Academic Life (PE)

Booklet p.3 — 1.2 Student Life: a united Class 6C, friendly matches, picnics and Sports Day, with the printed class photo — Booklet p.3 — 1.2 Student Life (Class 6C)

Part A supplementary sheet — classmates who backed each other through the 'cutthroat examinations', and a hope to keep in touch — Supplementary sheet — classmates through exams, and a farewell hope

The writing, with corrections marked inline

Legend: green = the candidate’s own insertion | dotted underlineour fix = our small correction | every inline fix has a matching row in Grammar notes. The two printed section headings (1.1 / 1.2) are shown in grey. Line numbers show every 5th.

Booklet p.2 — 1.1 Academic Life (Physical Education)
1.1 ACADEMIC LIFE — Write about one subject that you enjoyed studying or found challenging.
1I have studied a number of subjects in
2these six years. Among all of them, I enjoyed
3studying Physical Education most.
4Learning different kinds of sports in a
5short period of time is really challenging
6for me. Most of the time, I found it
7hard to pick up a new sport.
8The rules and basic skills
9of different ball games, such as Volleyball
10and badminton are introduced on lessonsintroduced in lessons. However
11it was difficult to memorize them in one
12or two lessons. Yet, PE lessons
13let me have a taste on all kindsa taste of all kinds of
14sports. I enjoyed trying even I foundtrying even though I found it
15challenging.
16I also had a lot of fun on PE lessonsfun in PE lessons.
17We formed groups to have friendly
18matches. PE lessons allowed us to relax and
19refresh ourselves as we were all having a
20hard time preparing for the public
21examination. These were some bittersweet memories.
Booklet p.3 — 1.2 Student Life (Class 6C)
1.2 STUDENT LIFE — Write about what you will miss most about being a student in Class 6C.
22I still rememberedI still remember how hard I tried
23to blend in with the rest of the class. I
24thought that I could not fit in. But after
25spending the 3 years of highschool life
26with all my classmates, I am sure that
27I will miss them most.
28We had created a lot of memories
29together. I can never forget how united
30we were when we had friendly matches
31with other classes on PE lessons. I will always remember
32the fun that we had in the school picnichad at the school picnic,
33how we cheered for each other on the
34Sports Day and how hard we cried on
35our last school day. No one can turn
Supplementary answer sheet for Part A — the rest of 1.2 Student Life
36back the time, yet, these memories
37will stay in my heart forever and will always
38 remind me all the upsme of all the ups and downs we had.
39We had gone through a series of
40tough tasks together. If my classmates
41had not backed me up, I would neverI would never have
42been able to survive the cutthroat
43examinations. When we were lost, we
44talked all day about the rest of
45our lives. We imagined who we were
46going to be and what lives we were
47going to have. It is always good to
48have someone to walk through the
49journey with you. I am very grateful
50to have classmates who encouraged me
51when I was lost. The talk that we had
52will always keep me chasing my dream.
53I will never forget how we supported each
54other in our darkest days.
55My time at secondary school would not be
56fruitful without my classmates. I hope
57that we can keep in touch and support each
58other still in the future.

Strengths to praise

A warm, sincere reflective voice

Voice & register lines 47–54

“It is always good to have someone to walk through the journey with you… I will never forget how we supported each other in our darkest days.” The register is heartfelt and personal — exactly the tone a yearbook entry calls for.

A fresh take on the ‘subject’ prompt

Task fulfilment lines 1–21

Choosing PE — valued both for the chance to “have a taste of all kinds of sports” and as a way to “relax and refresh… preparing for the public examination” — answers ‘enjoyed or found challenging’ from two angles, ending neatly on “bittersweet memories”.

Concrete shared memories

Concrete detail lines 30–35

“friendly matches with other classes… the fun… at the school picnic, how we cheered for each other on Sports Day and how hard we cried on our last school day.” Specific occasions make the class bond vivid rather than generic.

A controlling metaphor of a shared journey

Structure & cohesion lines 47–52

The idea of classmates who “walk through the journey with you” and “keep me chasing my dream” ties the Student Life section together and gives the reflection a clear emotional centre.

Precise, well-judged vocabulary

Vocabulary in context lines 21, 42, 56

“bittersweet memories”, surviving the “cutthroat examinations”, a school life made “fruitful” by classmates. The word choices are exact and lift the register.

Both prompts answered, and connected

Audience awareness lines 16–21, 28–31

The two sections speak to each other — PE’s “friendly matches” reappear as a shared class memory — so the entry reads as one coherent reflection rather than two disconnected answers.

Grammar notes

Issue	Explanation
fix (line 10) `introduced on lessons` → `introduced in lessons`	Preposition. Things are introduced / taught in lessons.
fix (line 13) `a taste on all kinds of sports` → `a taste of all kinds of sports`	Preposition. The idiom is a taste of something (a sample/experience of it).
fix (line 14) `I enjoyed trying even I found it challenging` → `…even though I found it challenging`	Conjunction. The contrast needs even though (a conjunction), not bare even.
fix (line 16) `fun on PE lessons` → `fun in PE lessons`	Preposition. You have fun in a lesson/class.
fix (line 22) `I still remembered` → `I still remember`	Tense. ‘Still’ points to the present, so use the present: I still remember.
fix (line 32) `the fun that we had in the school picnic` → `…at the school picnic`	Preposition. You have fun at an event (a picnic, a party).
fix (line 38) `remind me all the ups and downs` → `remind me of all the ups and downs`	Preposition. remind someone of something.
fix (lines 41–42) `I would never been able to survive` → `I would never have been able to survive`	Verb form. The third conditional needs have: I would never have* been able to survive* (if my classmates had not backed me up).
notice (line 21) `bittersweet memories`	Vocabulary. ‘Bittersweet’ (happy and sad at once) perfectly captures PE as both fun and a relief from exam stress.
notice (line 42) `cutthroat`	Vocabulary. ‘Cutthroat examinations’ vividly conveys how fierce the public exams felt — a strong, idiomatic adjective.
notice (line 52) `chasing my dream`	Voice. ‘Keep me chasing my dream’ is a warm, idiomatic way to credit classmates with sustaining the writer’s motivation.

Style suggestions

How to read these: fluency smoother, more varied sentences | authenticity a truer, more natural voice | text-type sharper yearbook-entry conventions

Keep the tense in the present

fluency line 22

“I still remembered how hard I tried to blend in…”

“I still remember how hard I tried to blend in…”

‘Still’ signals an ongoing present feeling, so the present tense fits.

Tidy the prepositions

authenticity lines 13, 16, 32

“a taste on all kinds… fun on PE lessons… fun… in the school picnic”

“a taste of all kinds… fun in PE lessons… fun… at the school picnic”

Small preposition fixes (of / in / at) make the writing read as natural English.

Complete the conditional

fluency lines 40–42

“If my classmates had not backed me up, I would never been able to survive…”

“If my classmates hadn’t backed me up, I would never have survived…”

The third conditional needs would have + past participle.

Vary ‘PE lessons’

fluency lines 12–18

“Yet, PE lessons let me have a taste… I also had a lot of fun in PE lessons. We formed groups… PE lessons allowed us to relax”

Vary the subject: “they let me try every sport… we also formed groups… and they let us relax”

‘PE lessons’ opens three sentences in a row; pronouns and rephrasing add variety.

Address the reader directly

text-type lines 55–58

“My time at secondary school would not be fruitful without my classmates. I hope that we can keep in touch…”

“6C, my time at secondary school wouldn’t have been the same without you. Let’s keep in touch…”

A direct address to classmates suits the yearbook’s farewell purpose.

Trim ‘turn back the time’

authenticity lines 35–36

“No one can turn back the time, yet, these memories will stay in my heart forever”

“No one can turn back time, but these memories will stay with me forever”

‘Turn back time’ (no ‘the’) is the usual phrasing; ‘yet’ → ‘but’ reads more smoothly.

Strong moment worth teaching from

A metaphor that gives the reflection a centre

Just the conditional (‘would never have survived’) to mend. The image itself is the lesson.

“If my classmates had not backed me up, I would never have been able to survive the cutthroat examinations… It is always good to have someone to walk through the journey with you… The talk that we had will always keep me chasing my dream.” (lines 40–52)

Rather than simply listing what she’ll miss, the writer settles on a single controlling idea — classmates as fellow travellers who ‘walk the journey’ and keep her ‘chasing her dream’. A recurring metaphor like this gives a reflective piece coherence and emotional weight, turning a list of memories into one clear feeling.

Professional rewrite — the ‘PE lessons’ paragraph

Model rewrite

A light polish — varying the repeated ‘PE lessons’ and fixing the prepositions — keeping the meaning intact.

Student (verbatim, edits folded in)

Yet, PE lessons let me have a taste of all kinds of sports. I enjoyed trying even though I found it challenging. I also had a lot of fun in PE lessons. We formed groups to have friendly matches. PE lessons allowed us to relax and refresh ourselves as we were all having a hard time preparing for the public examination.

Professional version

Still, PE let me sample every kind of sport, and I enjoyed trying even when it was hard. It was also a lot of fun: we formed groups for friendly matches, and the lessons let us relax and refresh ourselves while we were all under the strain of preparing for the public exams.

What changed and why:

Repetition: three sentences starting ‘PE lessons’ → varied subjects.
Conjunction: ‘even I found it’ → ‘even when it was hard’.
Flow: short sentences combined for rhythm.
The point — PE as fun and a relief from exam stress — is kept.

Vocabulary to notice

Word & alternatives	Definition	Usage notes
pick up learn, get the hang of, acquire	(phrasal v.) to learn a skill, often casually or quickly.	“hard to pick up a new sport”. Natural and idiomatic for learning a skill; separable (pick it up).
blend in fit in, mix in, belong	(phrasal v.) to become part of a group without standing out.	“how hard I tried to blend in with the rest of the class”. Pairs with with; a precise phrasal verb for fitting in socially.
bittersweet poignant, mixed, happy-sad	(adj.) bringing both happiness and sadness at once.	“some bittersweet memories”. Exactly captures fond memories tied to a stressful exam year.
united close-knit, together, unified	(adj.) joined together; acting as one.	“how united we were”. Strong for class solidarity; verb unite, noun unity.
cutthroat ruthless, fierce, intense	(adj.) extremely competitive or harsh.	“the cutthroat examinations”. Vivid for the pressure of public exams; also used of business/competition.
grateful thankful, appreciative, indebted	(adj.) feeling or showing thanks.	“I am very grateful to have classmates who…”. Pairs with to (do) / for / that; noun gratitude.
fruitful rewarding, productive, worthwhile	(adj.) producing good or useful results.	“My time at secondary school would not be fruitful without…”. A figurative use (a rewarding experience); opposite fruitless.