A Class Teacher’s Letter to Parents — the Sky100 School Trip
You are Chris Wong, the class teacher of 6A. You will be taking your class on a school trip next month to sky100, shown in the poster. Write a letter to parents giving them the necessary information about the trip. You may use the mindmap to help you. (about 200 words)
Show original handwritten pages (3)
The writing, with corrections marked inline
Strengths to praise
The opening states the occasion, date and time, then signposts exactly what follows — “the following will explain the purpose of the trip, as well as necessary information including transportation, cost and lunch”. A parent knows immediately what they are reading and why.
Every practical thing a parent needs is here and sorted into clear groups — cost (“$170, including $150 entrance fee & $20 school bus fee”), the fee-exemption route, insurance, meals, supervision and a post-trip reflection. The letter does the job a real circular would.
Before the logistics, the writer argues the trip’s educational value — the view lets students “compare the recent view with the past view without skyscrapers” and connects it to relieving HKDSE stress. This lifts the letter above a bare notice.
Touches like “students will be supervised at all times by me and sky100’s tour guide” and the polite close “I cordially hope that you could support your children in participating” strike exactly the tone an anxious parent wants from a teacher.
Salutation, signposted body, a clear call to action (“Please hand in the reply slip by next Monday”), contact line, and a full sign-off (“Yours faithfully, Chris Wong, Class teacher of 6A”). The pre-printed reply slip is correctly left for parents to complete.
Grammar notes
| Issue | Explanation |
|---|---|
fix (line 2) inform you the information → inform you of the information | Missing preposition. Inform takes inform somebody of/about something — you cannot “inform someone the information”. Insert of: inform you of the information. (Compare tell you the information, which is fine, because tell takes two objects.) |
fix (line 9) develop understanding towards this trip → develop an understanding of this trip | Article and collocation. The countable use needs an article — develop an understanding — and the natural preposition is of, not towards: develop an understanding of this trip. Towards suits attitudes (a positive attitude towards), not understanding. |
fix (line 25) help them familiarize with the evolution → help them become familiar with… | Reflexive verb. Familiarize is transitive and needs an object — familiarize themselves with — or switch to the adjective phrase become familiar with. As written it lacks the reflexive pronoun: help them familiarize themselves with the evolution… |
fix (line 27) it is understandable that you children → …that your children | Possessive vs. pronoun. The sentence needs the possessive determiner your before the noun children, not the object pronoun you: it is understandable that your children have been striving… A very common slip under time pressure. (The inserted that is the candidate’s own correct addition.) |
fix (line 33) $150 entrance fee & $20 school bus fee → …and $20 school-bus fee | Register. The ampersand (&) is fine in notes but informal in a letter to parents — write and. Optionally hyphenate the compound modifier school-bus fee. |
notice (line 11) This trip is conducive to students’ learning | Precise, formal collocation. Conducive to (= helping to bring about) is exactly right and sounds appropriately official for a school circular — a strong lexical choice. |
notice (line 16) an alluring and glamorous view | Vivid, well-paired adjectives. Alluring and glamorous are evocative without being purple, and they earn their place describing the sky100 panorama. |
notice (line 15) Being the highest indoor observation deck in the city, sky100 provides | Controlled participial opening. The -ing phrase correctly attaches to sky100, packaging two ideas into one fluent sentence — a Level-5 structural move. |
Style suggestions
“I feel compelled to inform you the information about the school trip… which is scheduled on 13th May 12:00-3:00pm.”
“I am writing to give you the details of our class school trip to sky100 on 13 May (12:00–3:00pm).”
A circular usually opens with the key facts in one clean line. I feel compelled to inform you is a touch heavy for a friendly notice.
“inform you the information about the school trip”
“inform you about the school trip”
Inform you of the information is wordy — the noun information just repeats the verb. Cut it.
“students will go there by school bus… Students will be supervised…”
“Students travel there by school bus and are supervised at all times…”
For a fixed itinerary the present simple reads crisper than repeated will; it also stops every sentence starting the same way.
“Please hand in the reply slip by next Monday.”
“Please complete and return the reply slip by Monday, 6 May.”
A real circular gives the actual deadline date and often bolds it; ‘next Monday’ is ambiguous once the letter is filed.
“children have been striving their utmost for the HKDSE, leading to stress problems”
“many students have been under real pressure preparing for the HKDSE”
‘Stress problems’ is vague; naming the pressure sounds more sincere and less like filler.
“by me and sky100’s tour guide. (Please rest assured that)”
“by me and sky100’s tour guide, so please rest assured your child is in safe hands.”
The bracketed ‘(Please rest assured that)’ trails off; fold it into a complete sentence so the reassurance lands.
“The trip costs $170, including $150 entrance fee & $20 school bus fee.”
“The trip costs $170 in total: a $150 entrance fee and a $20 coach fee.”
A colon plus ‘in total’ makes the breakdown instantly scannable; replace the ampersand with and.
“a 360 degree photo with the view of Hong Kong’s view decades ago… compare the recent view with the past view”
“a 360-degree photo of Hong Kong decades ago… compare today’s skyline with the past”
View appears four times in three lines; swapping in skyline / panorama removes the echo.
Strong moment worth teaching from
Lightly edited for the doubled ‘view’; the idea itself is the lesson.
“Besides, near the large window, there is a 360 degree photo with the view of Hong Kong’s view decades ago, when Hong Kong was still an entrepot. This enables students to compare the recent view with the past view without skyscrapers, so as to help them familiarize with the evolution of Hong Kong.” (lines 19–26)
Many candidates would simply list ‘great view, good photos’. This writer reaches for why the view matters — it becomes a lesson in Hong Kong’s history and development. Finding an educational rationale for an outing is exactly the kind of thinking that earns the higher content marks; the takeaway for students is to ask ‘so what?’ of every fact they include.
Professional rewrite — the opening paragraph
A light polish — keeping the writer’s clear structure, fixing the preposition and trimming the wordy opener.
Student (verbatim, edits folded in)
Professional version
Vocabulary to notice
| Word & alternatives | Definition | Usage notes |
|---|---|---|
| conducive (to) helpful, favourable, beneficial | (adj.) making a particular outcome likely or easier to achieve. | “conducive to students’ learning”. Formal; almost always followed by to + noun/-ing. A precise upgrade on good for. |
| alluring enticing, captivating, tempting | (adj.) powerfully and mysteriously attractive. | “an alluring and glamorous view”. Suits scenery, offers or images; stronger than attractive. |
| entrepôt trading port, trade hub, transit centre | (n.) a port or town where goods are imported, stored and re-exported. | “when Hong Kong was still an entrepôt”. A historically apt, sophisticated term for old Hong Kong’s role in trade. |
| exemption waiver, exception, dispensation | (n.) official freedom from a duty or payment that others must meet. | “can apply for exemption”. Pairs with from (exemption from the fee); formal and exactly right for a fee-waiver. |
| subsidize fund, support, underwrite | (v.) to pay part of the cost of something so others pay less. | “insurance fee is subsidized by school”. Note the British spelling subsidise is equally correct; noun subsidy. |
| unremitting relentless, ceaseless, unflagging | (adj.) never stopping or weakening. | Not used here, but a strong alternative to the letter’s at all times when describing constant supervision or effort: unremitting care. |
| whole-person development holistic growth, all-round development | (n. phrase) education of character, body and mind, not just academic results. | “students’ artistic abilities and whole-person development”. A staple of HK school discourse; deployed naturally here. |
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