Argumentative Essay — ‘International Talent: Accept or Reject?’ (a balanced case, with a ‘2Ps’ solution)

Year: 2019 Part: B Question: Q2 Genre: argumentative essay (Learning English through Social Issues) Grade band: 5* Marks: ^19 + ^17 = 36 / 42 (closest-pair adjusted) · booklet pp. 8–11 + supp. Candidate: 2019-004

Question prompt — Q2 (Part B, Learning English through Social Issues elective)

Hong Kong, like many places, is debating whether to accept more international talent. Write an argumentative essay on the question: “International Talent: Accept or Reject?”

About 400 words. Booklet pages 8–11, continuing onto the Part B supplementary sheet. A genuinely balanced essay: three benefits (filling HK’s talent gaps, diversifying the pool, pushing locals to improve), three challenges (stress/unemployment, cultural conflict), and a structured ‘2Ps’ solution — Preparation and Preference — before returning to the title question. Ambitious vocabulary and structure carry it to 5*, though the dense argument strains the grammar in places.

Show original handwritten pages (5)

Booklet p.8 — Q2 X-box, title, the globalised-talent intro and the first benefit (international talent fills HK's gaps) — Booklet p.8 — intro and the first benefit

Booklet p.9 — a diversified talent pool and competition pushing local talent up — Booklet p.9 — diversified pool, raising locals

Booklet p.10 — the challenges: stress/unemployment and cultural conflict ('chalk and cheese') — Booklet p.10 — the challenges

Booklet p.11 — the '2Ps' solution (Preparation and Preference); runs to End of Paper — Booklet p.11 — the ‘2Ps’ solution

Supplementary sheet — the ratio idea and the conclusion returning to the title question — Supplementary sheet — the conclusion

The writing, with corrections marked inline

Legend: green = the candidate’s own insertion | dotted underlineour fix = our small correction | every inline fix has a matching row in Grammar notes. The handwritten title sits above line 1. This is a dense, ambitious essay, so the grammar table is fuller than usual. Line numbers show every 5th.

Booklet p.8 — the Q2 X-box, the title, the globalised-talent-market intro, and the first benefit: international talent fills HK’s gaps (tech, medical, engineering) (lines 1–21)
International Talent &mdash; Accept or Reject?
1It is inevitable that the current economy is all globalised,
2no matter it isno matter whether it is the capital market, commodity market or the labor
3market. From the point of view of the companies, having individuals
4with skills and talent they meet the standard of challenge is
5undeniable that it helps the companies to grow. Yet, talents are
6always limited, if not low (until they be seized)? So globalised
7the labor market is now that, companies are no longer hiring talent
8within the local community, but beyond the national boundaries,
9to talents from the world is all the realm.
10Yet, is it beneficial towards the Hong Kong society? This
11question has stirred up hurdles before in the society. Nothing is
12perfect, there will always be benefits to get and challenges to overcome.
13Up and foremost, the influx of international talents could
14enlarge the talent pool in Hong Kong in different areas. Undeniably,
15Hong Kong has a large pool of talents that are second-to-none to
16other cities, in the financial industry. Yet, what about technology?
17What about Medical? What about Engineering? All these aspects
18of Hong Kong are lagged so much behind other megacities in
19the world. Hong Kong has a substantial lack of talents in
20these areas, making Hong Kong less and less competitive. With international
21talents, this problem would be eased. By the influx of
Booklet p.9 — benefits continue: a diversified pool, and competition pushing local talent to a higher level (lines 22–45)
22international talents, Hong Kong would have a more diversified
23and all-rounded talent pool. These talents could utilize their
24knowhow and skills in Hong Kong, helping Hong Kong to develop in
25a more balanced harmony such that the competitiveness of Hong Kong
26can be maintained. This is surely a benefit to the
27Hong Kong society.
28In addition to that, the incoming international talents
29also push local talent to a higher level. With the
30influx of overseas talent, the competition between foreigners
31and locals are goinglocals is going to be intensified. The local talents have
32to be more outstanding and perform better such that
33they could survive in such an intensive competition. The only
34way to survive is to improve, the competition provide acompetition provides a stronger
35incentive for locals to pursue a higher level of
36qualification or work harder at workplace. Hence, it is
37obvious that the competition between the locals and foreignlocals and foreigners
38could push each other to improve, making Hong Kong amaking Hong Kong an
39even more competitive city.
40Still, the competition is more overwhelming for locals,
41the competition may bring tremendous amount stress to locals
42or even causing unemployment.
43In order to outperform the foreigners, locals have to
44take the best out of themselves. This could put so much stress
45and pressure on them. It is not hard to hear people in
Booklet p.10 — the challenges: stress and unemployment, and cultural conflict (‘chalk and cheese’, ‘poles apart’) (lines 46–67)
46Hong Kong is havingHong Kong are having a hard life. Talents suffering from
47being workload and pressure is so very prevalent and omnipresent
48especially in the finance and banking industries. With
49all these talents serving Hong Kong, the situation would
50likely to be distorted to other industries only saying
51Hong Kong talents a even harder, a even tougher, a even
52more stressful life. What’s worse is that it may cause
53unemployment. It is reasonable that productivity is the
54upmost concernutmost concern to firms. Due to that, local talents
55may face unemployment if they got are not performed by
56their foreign colleague. Unemployment would be a huge
57problem to Hong Kong society.
58What’s further is that, the conflict between foreigners
59and locals, the by-product of the influx, can be a
60challenge that couldn’t be overlooked as well. Even
61though Hong Kong is well-known as a cultural hub,
62it is irrefutable that there is a difference between the
63western and eastern culture. The two cultures are like
64chalk and cheese somehow. They may be poles apart in
65workplace that theythe workplace that they expect differently towards the
66systems or relationship between colleaguebetween colleagues. They may have
67different perceptions towards various policies that may be
Booklet p.11 — the solution — the ‘2Ps’: Preparation (upskilling locals) and Preference (government support); runs to the printed End of Paper (lines 68–89)
68incompatible. Although it may not be the case for all
69firms, it is still a challenge that is needed to beneeds to be
70tackled.
71As mentioned, the arrival of international talents may
72cause unemployment, it is of paramount importance to
73ensure that people from the local community are not
74neglected. Here comes the 2Ps, to address the problem.
75The first P, is preparation. Despite taking the
76helping hands from the society, the local talents should be
77encouraged to better prepare themselves from the intense
78competition with the foreignswith the foreigners. In order to achieve that,
79more incentives, economically or non-economically should be
80provided as well such that the locals are more willing
81to pursue higher education, not only Bachelor degree but
82rather PhD or master degree. The locals could be upgradecould upgrade
83themselves and be better prepared in the intense competition.
84The second P, is preference, although it is reasonable
85for firms to put productivity as the first placein the first place, government
86today. The government should bear the responsibility to maintain
87the amount of jobs for locals. The government should
88put more preference for local talents. To achieve that,
89limiting the ratio of locals to foreigners and firm
Supplementary sheet — the rest of the Preference point (a locals-to-foreigners ratio) and the conclusion, returning to the title question (lines 90–101)
90could be a pressure to the challenge. Set the limit to
91a range between 3:2 to 1:1 could be sensible, such
92that performance is provided for locals, maintaining the
93employment rate of locals.
94To round-up, the 2Ps, preparation and preference, are
95the two precaution to ensure that the talents from
96the local community will not be neglected and suffer
97from the competition.
98Seeing the benefits and challenges that the
99inflow of international talents could bring
100to Hong Kong society, back to the question,
101International talent, accept or reject?

Strengths to praise

A genuinely balanced argument

Argumentation lines 13–45, 46–70

The essay weighs both sides at length — three benefits (filling talent gaps, diversifying the pool, raising local standards) and real challenges (stress, unemployment, cultural conflict) — before reaching a position. Treating the question as a genuine debate, not a one-sided rant, is exactly what Q2 rewards.

A memorable solution framework: the ‘2Ps’

Structure & cohesion lines 74–89

Rather than vague calls to ‘do something’, the writer offers a named, two-part plan — “the first P, is preparation… the second P, is preference” — with concrete measures (upskilling locals; a government hiring ratio). A labelled framework makes a solution easy to follow and remember.

Rhetorical questions that drive the point

Persuasive technique lines 16–17

“Yet, what about technology? What about Medical? What about Engineering?” The quick triple question dramatises Hong Kong’s talent gaps far more effectively than a flat statement would.

Ambitious idiom and vocabulary

Vocabulary in context lines 15, 61, 63–64

“second-to-none”, “a cultural hub”, the two cultures “like chalk and cheese… poles apart”. The figurative reach is well above the ordinary and the idioms are used correctly.

Cohesion across a long, multi-part argument

Structure & cohesion lines 13, 28, 40, 58, 71

Clear signposts carry the reader: “Up and foremost…”, “In addition to that…”, “Still…”, “What’s further…”, “As mentioned…”. Each new point is flagged, so the essay never loses its thread.

A circular, on-task ending

Task fulfilment lines 94–101

The conclusion sums up the ‘2Ps’ and loops back to the exact title — “back to the question, International talent, accept or reject?” Returning to the question shows the whole essay has stayed on task.

Grammar notes

Issue	Explanation
fix (line 2) `no matter it is the capital market` → `no matter whether it is the capital market`	Missing word. no matter needs a question word: no matter whether* it is the capital market…* (or no matter what the market is).
fix (line 31) `the competition between foreigners and locals are going` → `…is going`	Subject–verb agreement. The head noun is the singular competition, so the verb is singular: the competition… is going to be intensified.
fix (line 34) `the competition provide a stronger incentive` → `…provides a stronger incentive`	Subject–verb agreement. Singular competition takes provides.
fix (lines 37–38) `the competition between the locals and foreign could push` → `…the locals and foreigners…`	Noun form. The people are foreigners, not foreign (an adjective): between the locals and foreigners.
fix (lines 38–39) `making Hong Kong a even more competitive city` → `…an even more competitive city`	Article. Use an before a vowel sound: an even more….
fix (lines 46–47) `people in Hong Kong is having a hard life` → `people in Hong Kong are having a hard life`	Subject–verb agreement. The subject is the plural people, so are: people in Hong Kong are* having a hard life*.
fix (line 54) `upmost concern to firms` → `utmost concern to firms`	Word form. The word is utmost (= greatest): the utmost* concern. (Upmost/uppermost* means highest in position.)
fix (lines 64–65) `poles apart in workplace` → `poles apart in the workplace`	Article. the workplace needs the definite article: poles apart in the* workplace*.
fix (line 66) `relationship between colleague` → `relationships between colleagues`	Number. A relationship is between two or more, so plural colleagues (and usually plural relationships).
fix (lines 69–70) `a challenge that is needed to be tackled` → `a challenge that needs to be tackled`	Verb pattern. Use need to be + past participle: a challenge that needs to be* tackled* (not is needed to be).
fix (lines 78–79) `competition with the foreigns` → `competition with the foreigners`	Noun form. foreigners (people), not foreigns.
fix (lines 82–83) `The locals could be upgrade themselves` → `The locals could upgrade themselves`	Verb form. After the modal could, use the base verb — and drop be: the locals could upgrade* themselves* (active), or could be upgraded (passive, no ‘themselves’).
fix (line 85) `put productivity as the first place` → `put productivity in the first place`	Preposition. The idiom is in the first place: to put productivity in the first place (or put productivity first).
notice (line 15) `second-to-none`	Idiom. ‘Second to none’ (= the best) is used correctly of Hong Kong’s financial talent — a confident, idiomatic claim.
notice (line 64) `poles apart`	Idiom. ‘Poles apart’ (= as different as possible), reinforcing ‘chalk and cheese’ — two apt idioms for the East–West culture gap.
notice (line 72) `paramount importance`	Collocation. of paramount importance (= supremely important) is a precise, formal phrase, well used to introduce the solution.

Style suggestions

How to read these: fluency smoother, more varied sentences | authenticity a truer, more natural voice | text-type sharper essay conventions

Untangle the opening sentence

fluency lines 3–5

“From the point of view of the companies, having individuals with skills and talent they meet the standard of challenge is undeniable that it helps the companies to grow.”

“From a company’s point of view, hiring skilled individuals who meet its needs undeniably helps it grow.”

The original packs three clauses together; splitting out the subject and verb makes the claim land.

Fix ‘upmost’ and ‘foreigns’

authenticity lines 54, 79

“productivity is the upmost concern… competition with the foreigns”

“productivity is the utmost concern… competition with foreigners”

Two near-miss words; the correct forms keep the otherwise-strong register intact.

Smooth the ‘harder, tougher’ list

fluency lines 50–52

“the situation would likely to be distorted… Hong Kong talents a even harder, a even tougher, a even more stressful life”

“…giving Hong Kong’s talents an even harder, tougher and more stressful life”

Add the verb (‘giving’), use one article, and let the three adjectives share it.

Keep the ‘2Ps’ labels parallel

text-type lines 75, 84

“The first P, is preparation… The second P, is preference”

“The first P is Preparation… The second P is Preference”

Drop the stray commas and capitalise the two Ps so the framework reads cleanly.

State your verdict, not just the question

text-type lines 98–101

“…back to the question, International talent, accept or reject?”

“…the answer is clear: accept — but only with the 2Ps in place.”

Returning to the title is good; an argumentative essay is stronger if it then commits to an answer.

Trim the doubled subjects

fluency lines 40–41

“Still, the competition is more overwhelming for locals, the competition may bring tremendous amount stress…”

“Still, the competition can be overwhelming for locals, bringing a tremendous amount of stress…”

Repeating ‘the competition’ and the comma splice slow the sentence; one subject and a participle fix both.

Strong moment worth teaching from

Giving a solution a shape

Tidy the labels (‘The first P is Preparation’) and it’s textbook. The framework idea is the lesson.

“Here comes the 2Ps, to address the problem. The first P, is preparation… The second P, is preference…” (lines 74–85)

Many essays drift when they reach ‘solutions’. This one invents a little device — the “2Ps” — and hangs two concrete measures on it (prepare locals through upskilling; give them preference via a hiring ratio). A named, numbered framework does two jobs at once: it organises the writer’s thinking and it makes the argument easy for a reader to hold. That packaging instinct is well worth borrowing.

Professional rewrite — the stress / unemployment paragraph

Model rewrite

A model of the most strained paragraph — where the dense argument breaks the grammar — kept in the writer’s own voice and meaning.

Student (verbatim)

It is not hard to hear people in Hong Kong is having a hard life. Talents suffering from being workload and pressure is so very prevalent and omnipresent especially in the finance and banking industries… the situation would likely to be distorted to other industries only saying Hong Kong talents a even harder, a even tougher, a even more stressful life.

Professional version

It is not hard to find people in Hong Kong leading hard lives. Heavy workloads and pressure are already prevalent, especially in finance and banking — and as more talent pours in, the strain is likely to spread to other industries, giving Hong Kong’s workers an even harder, tougher and more stressful life.

What changed and why:

Agreement: people… is having → people… leading; workload and pressure is → workloads and pressure are.
Word form: being workload → heavy workloads.
List: a even harder, a even tougher → one verb (giving) + one article + three adjectives.
The point — pressure spreading as talent arrives — is untouched.

Vocabulary to notice

Word & alternatives	Definition	Usage notes
globalised internationalised, interconnected, borderless	(adj.) operating or connected across the whole world.	“the current economy is all globalised”. British spelling -ised; the key framing word for the whole essay. Noun globalisation.
influx inflow, arrival, stream, wave	(n.) the arrival of large numbers of people or things.	“the influx of international talents”. Collocates with of; precise for inward movement of people or capital.
second to none unrivalled, the best, unbeatable	(idiom) better than all others.	“talents that are second-to-none”. A strong, ready-made superlative; here applied to HK’s financial talent.
omnipresent ever-present, ubiquitous, everywhere	(adj.) present everywhere at once.	“prevalent and omnipresent”. Formal and emphatic; pairs naturally with prevalent for something inescapable.
cultural hub cultural centre, melting pot, crossroads	(n. phrase) a place where many cultures meet and activity concentrates.	“Hong Kong is well-known as a cultural hub”. A current, idiomatic label for a cosmopolitan city.
paramount supreme, foremost, of the highest importance	(adj.) more important than anything else.	“of paramount importance”. The set phrase is of paramount importance; a high-register way to flag priority.
ratio proportion, balance, split	(n.) the relationship in number between two things.	“limiting the ratio of locals to foreigners”. Written with a colon (3:2, 1:1); a precise, policy-flavoured word for the proposed hiring balance.