Letter to the Editor — Defending Fresh University Graduates
Question prompt — Q9, Learning English through Workplace Communication
It has recently been claimed that in the workplace many Hong Kong fresh university graduates are less hard-working and less willing to face challenges compared to those in the past.
You strongly disagree with this opinion. Write a letter to the editor of the Hong Kong Daily disagreeing with this opinion. Support your view with three reasons and/or examples.
(~400 words)
The Part A / Part B gap. This candidate scored a perfect 21 + 21 = 42 / 42 on Part A but dropped to 14 + 15 = 29 / 42 on Part B — a 13-mark drop, the largest A/B differential in the collection. The interesting question is what happened to the writer between the two pieces. The grammar slips multiply, the syntax tangles in three different paragraphs, and the argument starts requiring the reader to do real reconstruction. The drop is mostly mechanical (the structure is still there, the rhetoric still has ambition), but Language and Content scores fell to 5/7 from a perfect 7/7, and the marker had to work to follow the case.
Show original handwritten pages (4)
The writing, with corrections marked inline
Legend:
red strikethrough = removed |
green highlight = added or replaced |
yellow highlight = handwriting unclear or syntax broken
Booklet p.9 (lines 1–17)
1Dear Editor,
2
3Recently, it has been claimed that many Hong Kong
4fresh university graduates are less hard-working and
5less willing to face challenges compared to those in the
6workplace. Such a claim has sparked off an outrage
7from the younger generation. Being one of the millennials,
8I believe that such a claim is misleading, if not
9wholly fallacious.
10Some doubts the younger generation as it inheres a
11flavour. Who cannot withstand challenges due to the
12fact that Some critics doubt the younger generation, pointing to the fact that there are more and more fresh graduates quitting
13their jobs in a short period of time. Yet, I believe that
14such a phenomenon is due to the pursuit of becoming
15‘in the new generation’ autonomy in the new generation. With the advancement of technology,
16jobs are no longer limited to the office setting, which give has given
17rise to a new form of work — some graduates work as freelancers. With
Booklet p.10 (lines 18–35)
18a huge variety of job options, the fresh graduates opt for
19the type they would like to most enjoyable and suitable find most enjoyable and suitable
20for them. Apart from that, fresh graduates would also like
21to explore in different areas and fields, given that university
22education does not get them experiences give them experience in a specific
23field. I believe that such a pursuit of autonomy is not
24something bad, and it has nothing to do with the young
25adults’ ability to cope with adversity. Afterwards, they still
26need to face challenges and cope with it them in their new
27age stage of workplace.
28
29Apart from that, the reason why the fresh university
30graduates are ‘seemingly’ as seemingly less willing to face challenges is due
31to the complexity of the community workplace itself. In this new age of
32globalisation, the younger generation are is subjected to
33new competitions in the market. They are often required
34to deal with sophisticated tasks, such as dealing with new
35technology or working in a more complex office
Booklet p.11 (lines 36–54)
36arrangement. The tasks and minds complain in the past
37required the younger generations are required to have The tasks of today require the younger generation to have
38high-level thinking, creativity and problem-solving skills
39as they have to work independently. Whenever the young
40adults face failure, they are blamed for being less willing
41to cope with adversity. Yet, who knew knows that those tasks
42are not as simple as they thought. It is not reasonable
43to blame them for being less willing to face challenges given
44the size scale of complexity in the workplace.
45
46Besides, it is also doubtful of doubtful that fresh university
47graduates are less hard-working than those of the past. Hong
48Kong is notorious for its long-working hours, which
49jeopardise the work-life balance of employees. Most of
50our university graduates working work as a junior position juniors
51in their company; they often work over-time or work around
52the clock. They sacrifice their sleeping time to work for
53the company, making every endeavour to contribute. [It]
54is definitely not reasonable to say that they are less
Booklet p.12 (lines 55–66)
55hard-working than those of the past at all. Compared to the past,
56people often enjoy a more laid-back lifestyle, and they
57could spend their time with family and hobbies and strike a
58work-life balance.
59
60In fact, I believe that the reason behind the claim
61for that the younger generation is being less hard-working
62and less willing to face challenges is the different
63perception of the generations. Given that the situation
64of society has changed over time, the elder generation
65should never make any irresponsible claim before truly
66knowing the current situation. It is hoped that the elder
67generation would get to know more about the millennials
68and ease their misunderstandings towards of the fresh
69university graduates.
70
71Yours faithfully,
72Chris Wong
Word count. ~500 words against the 400 target. The over-run is on the smaller side, but the prose density makes the letter feel longer than it is.
Three sentences that collapse. Three places in this letter break grammatically and would slow any marker down: (i) “Some doubts the younger generation as it inheres a flavour” (lines 10–12); (ii) “The tasks and minds complain in the past required the younger generations are required to have…” (lines 36–37); (iii) “fresh university graduates are ‘seemingly’ as willing to face challenges” (line 30 — seemingly as means the opposite of the writer’s intended sense). These three slips alone probably account for the drop from 7/7 to 5/7 on Language.
Three sentences that collapse. Three places in this letter break grammatically and would slow any marker down: (i) “Some doubts the younger generation as it inheres a flavour” (lines 10–12); (ii) “The tasks and minds complain in the past required the younger generations are required to have…” (lines 36–37); (iii) “fresh university graduates are ‘seemingly’ as willing to face challenges” (line 30 — seemingly as means the opposite of the writer’s intended sense). These three slips alone probably account for the drop from 7/7 to 5/7 on Language.
Strengths to praise
1. The three-argument structure is intact
Despite the prose tangles, the architecture is clear: argument 1 (graduates pursue autonomy / freelancing, not idleness); argument 2 (today’s workplace is more complex than the past’s); argument 3 (HK’s long-hours culture itself proves graduates aren’t lazy). Each paragraph has a thesis, support, and a closing turn. The marker can find the case.
2. The freelance / autonomy reframe is a real argument
“Such a phenomenon is due to the pursuit of autonomy in the new generation. With the advancement of technology, jobs are no longer limited to the office setting…” The writer correctly identifies that what older readers see as “quitting” is, for the new generation, a deliberate choice of work-form. This is the strongest move in the letter; if the prose were cleaner, this paragraph alone would lift the Content score.
3. The HK-specific long-hours angle
“Hong Kong is notorious for its long working hours, which jeopardise the work-life balance of employees.” The candidate names a specific HK phenomenon (long-hours culture) that the audience recognises and that directly refutes the lazy-graduates claim. The audience-recognition move is the heart of letter-to-editor writing.
4. The closing’s diagnosis is the right one
“The reason behind the claim… is the different perception of the generations.” The writer correctly identifies the underlying problem (it’s a perception gap, not a behavioural change) and closes with a call for the older generation to update its view. This is the right diagnosis and the right closing gesture.
5. Sophisticated vocabulary deployed in real collocations
Wholly fallacious, withstand, pursuit of autonomy, advancement of technology, opt for, cope with adversity, complexity of the workplace, subjected to, sophisticated tasks, problem-solving skills, notorious for, jeopardise, work-life balance, sacrifice, endeavour, irresponsible claim. The register is consistently formal-public and the lexis is well above average for a candidate at this band.
Grammar notes
| Issue | Explanation |
|---|---|
(line 6) Such a claim has sparked off an outrage → has sparked outrage | Two issues. Spark off is redundant (spark already means “cause to start”). Outrage as the emotion is uncountable (spark outrage, cause outrage); the article an appears only with the countable sense (an outrage = a shocking event). |
(lines 10–12) Some doubts the younger generation as it inheres a flavour → Some critics doubt the younger generation, pointing to… | This sentence doesn’t resolve grammatically. Inheres means “is an inherent quality of”; it doesn’t take a direct object like a flavour. The rewrite reads as a salvage. |
(line 16) which give rise to a new form of work → which has given rise to a new form of work | Subject is singular (the advancement of technology); verb needs the present perfect for the continuing effect. |
(line 19) opt for the type they would like to most enjoyable and suitable → opt for the type they find most enjoyable and suitable | The verb like to needs an infinitive after it (like to do); the sentence wants the verb find. |
(line 21) explore in different areas → explore different areas | Explore is transitive — takes a direct object with no preposition. |
(line 22) does not get them experiences → does not give them experience | Two issues. The verb is give, not get. And experience in this sense (knowledge gained through practice) is uncountable. |
(line 25) the young adults ability → the young adults’ ability | Plural possessive: apostrophe after the s. |
(line 27) their new age of workplace → their new stage of workplace life / this new chapter of working life | Age reads as a long historical period; stage reads as a personal life-phase, which is what the writer means. |
(line 30) are ‘seemingly’ as willing → are seemingly less willing | The original means the opposite of what the writer is arguing. The marker likely had to re-read this sentence twice. |
(line 31) the complexity of the community itself → the complexity of the workplace itself | The paragraph is about workplaces, not communities. Word-substitution slip. |
(lines 36–37) The tasks and minds complain in the past required… → The tasks of today require the younger generation to have… | The original sentence is mid-collapse. The corrected version above reconstructs what the writer almost certainly meant. |
(line 40) blamed for less willing to cope → blamed for being less willing to cope | After blamed for, the construction is for + gerund/noun phrase. For less willing to cope needs being. |
(line 44) the size of complexity → the scale of complexity | Complexity has scale, depth, degree, not size. |
(line 46) doubtful of fresh university graduates are less hard-working → doubtful that fresh university graduates are less hard-working | The clause needs the conjunction that, not the preposition of. |
(line 50) Most of our university graduates working as a junior position → Most of our university graduates work as juniors | Two issues. (i) Main verb missing (working isn’t a finite verb on its own — needs work). (ii) Work in a position, not as a position; or simply work as juniors. |
(line 68) misunderstandings towards the fresh graduates → misunderstandings of the fresh graduates | Misunderstanding of X is the standard preposition. |
Style suggestions
Categories:
Fluency sentence flow.
Authenticity places that sound translated.
Text-type fit genre conventions.
Suggestion 1 · drop the “Being one of the millennials” opener
Text-type fitlines 7–9Original: “Being one of the millennials, I believe that such a claim is misleading, if not wholly fallacious.”
Try: “The claim is misleading, and in places fallacious. I write as a fresh graduate myself.”
Being one of the millennials is a stock opener used by hundreds of HKDSE candidates on this question; markers see it as a template move. Inverting the order (claim first, identification second) reads more confidently.
Suggestion 2 · rewrite the “Some doubts… inheres a flavour” opener of paragraph 2
Fluencylines 10–13Original: “Some doubts the younger generation as it inheres a flavour. Who cannot withstand challenges due to the fact that there are more and more fresh graduates quitting their jobs…”
Try: “Critics point to one statistic: more fresh graduates are quitting their first jobs within a year than ever before. From outside, this can look like a failure to persist.”
The original opens an important paragraph with a collapsed sentence. The rewrite names what the critics are pointing to (a statistic about quitting) and previews the counter-argument the rest of the paragraph will make.
Suggestion 3 · the autonomy / freelance argument deserves a named example
Text-type fitlines 16–17Original: “jobs are no longer limited to the office setting, which has given rise to a new form of work — some graduates work as freelancers.”
Try: “jobs are no longer limited to the office setting. A fresh graduate this year can run a design studio from a Sham Shui Po café, write code for a Berlin firm from a Mong Kok flat, or take six months teaching English in Vietnam between contracts. None of those is laziness.”
The original tells the reader about freelancing; the rewrite shows it with three named cases. Three concrete examples are more persuasive than one abstract noun.
Suggestion 4 · rewrite the “tasks and minds complain” sentence
Fluencylines 36–39Original: “The tasks and minds complain in the past required the younger generations are required to have high-level thinking, creativity and problem-solving skills as they have to work independently.”
Try: “The tasks today’s graduates handle would have been unrecognisable to their parents’ generation. The same job title now requires high-level thinking, creativity and the ability to solve problems independently — often all in the same morning.”
The original collapses mid-sentence. The rewrite uses a generational comparison (their parents’ generation) to make the increased-complexity claim more vivid, and the closing kicker (all in the same morning) lands the point.
Suggestion 5 · sharpen the long-hours paragraph with a number
Text-type fitlines 48–49Original: “Hong Kong is notorious for its long working hours, which jeopardise the work-life balance of employees.”
Try: “Hong Kong workers average around 50 hours a week — the longest in the OECD comparison. Fresh graduates in junior positions log most of those hours, and not by choice.”
A specific (even approximate) number turns a general claim into something the marker can’t dismiss. The closing clause (not by choice) is the persuasive lift.
Suggestion 6 · let the conclusion name the older generation more carefully
Authenticitylines 64–66Original: “the elder generation should never make any irresponsible claim before truly knowing the current situation.”
Try: “Older readers may find these new ways of working unfamiliar; that is fair. What is not fair is judging the next generation by the workplace they themselves left.”
The elder generation should never make any irresponsible claim reads as a scolding. The rewrite makes the same point with more rhetorical balance: finding the new unfamiliar is fair; judging by the old standard is not.
Suggestion 7 · compress to about 420 words
Text-type fitOriginal: ~500 words.
Aim: ~60-word intro; three arguments of ~110 words each; ~30-word close.
The structure is right; the prose is long. A 420-word version with the broken sentences rebuilt would push the Language score back toward 7.
Suggestion 8 · rebuild the three problem sentences before submission
FluencyThree places to revisit on the final pass: (i) “Some doubts the younger generation as it inheres a flavour”, (ii) “The tasks and minds complain in the past required the younger generations are required to have…”, (iii) “fresh university graduates are ‘seemingly’ as willing”.
Each can be fixed with a short rewrite (see Suggestions 2, 4 above and Grammar notes for the seemingly slip).
A single pass over the three broken sentences would have lifted the Language criterion by at least 1 point per marker.
Professional rewrite — the autonomy / freelance argument (strong moment)
Professional rewrite — protecting the freelancing reframe
The autonomy/freelance argument is the strongest move in the letter — correctly reframing what older readers see as quitting. The original buries the move in a paragraph that opens with a collapsed sentence.
The student’s paragraph (corrected)
Some critics doubt the younger generation, pointing to the fact that there are more and more fresh graduates quitting their jobs in a short period of time. Yet, I believe that such a phenomenon is due to the pursuit of autonomy in the new generation. With the advancement of technology, jobs are no longer limited to the office setting, which has given rise to a new form of work — some graduates work as freelancers. With a huge variety of job options, the fresh graduates opt for the type they find most enjoyable and suitable for them. Apart from that, fresh graduates would also like to explore different areas and fields…
Rewritten by a professional opinion-writer
Critics point to one statistic: fresh graduates leave their first jobs faster than they used to. From outside, that looks like a failure to persist. From inside, it is something else — the deliberate exercise of options that did not exist twenty years ago. A 2024 graduate can run a design studio from a Sham Shui Po café, write code for a Berlin firm from a Mong Kok flat, or take six months teaching English in Vietnam between contracts. None of those is the absence of ambition. It is ambition reshaped by what the internet now permits.
What the rewrite is doing differently:
- The critics’ case is named. “Fresh graduates leave their first jobs faster than they used to” — one sentence states what the older readers see.
- The reframe is named explicitly. “From outside… / From inside…” tells the reader the move the paragraph is making.
- Three concrete examples replace one abstract noun. The student says freelancers; the rewrite names three plausible cases.
- The closing reframes ambition itself. “Ambition reshaped by what the internet now permits” is the line that wins the paragraph.
Professional rewrite — the collapsed complexity paragraph (weak moment)
Professional rewrite — rebuilding the workplace-complexity argument
The middle of paragraph 3 collapses syntactically (“The tasks and minds complain in the past required the younger generations are required to have…”). The argument under the broken prose is good; the rewrite reconstructs it.
The student’s paragraph (corrected)
In this new age of globalisation, the younger generation is subjected to new competitions in the market. They are often required to deal with sophisticated tasks, such as dealing with new technology or working in a more complex office arrangement. The tasks of today require the younger generation to have high-level thinking, creativity and problem-solving skills as they have to work independently. Whenever the young adults face failure, they are blamed for being less willing to cope with adversity. Yet, who knows that those tasks are not as simple as they thought.
Rewritten by a professional opinion-writer
A junior role in 2017 is not the junior role of 1997. The same job title now demands fluency in three software tools, the ability to write for an international audience, and the social intelligence to manage a brief over Slack with a colleague in another time zone — often all before the morning standup. When a fresh graduate stumbles at one of those tasks, the older generation reads it as a failure of grit. Read more carefully, it is the predictable cost of being asked to do a harder job at the same starting salary.
What the rewrite is doing differently:
- Specific comparator. “A junior role in 2017 is not the junior role of 1997” — the generational comparison is named with years.
- Three concrete demands. “Fluency in three software tools, write for an international audience, manage a brief over Slack” — the abstract sophisticated tasks becomes three things a 2017 reader has seen.
- Names the misreading. “The older generation reads it as a failure of grit. Read more carefully…” — the rewrite explicitly contrasts the wrong reading with the right one.
- Closes on the structural unfairness. “A harder job at the same starting salary” — the rewrite ends on the economic argument that the student gestures at but doesn’t state.
Leave a Reply